Groucho Marx

Comedian. Born Julius Henry Marx in 1890 New York, he was the frontman for the Marx Brothers.

Also known as the host of the television program You Bet Your Life.

Died in 1977.

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Quotes attributed to Groucho Marx:

• "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
• "Room service? Send up a larger room."
• "Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others."
• "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
• "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
• "A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."
• "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
• "Ice Water? Get some onions - that'll make your eyes water!"
• "You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?"
• "You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I'll bet he was glad to get rid of it."
• "A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
• "Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?"
• "Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."
• "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
• "I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book."
• "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
• "If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you."
• "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."
• "It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all."
• "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
• "Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
• "Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honour; which is probably more than she ever did."
• "Women should be obscene and not heard."
• "Time wounds all heels."
• "Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
• "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."
• "As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
• "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
• "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."