Wikipedia: Internet humor/Long lightbulb jokes

Difference (from prior major revision) (minor diff)

Added: 19a20,48

List-serv subscribers

Q: How many list-serv subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 1,331
*1 to change the light bulb
*14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
*7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
*27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
*53 to flame the spell checkers
*156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
*41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
*109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
*203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
*111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
*306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
*27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
*14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
*3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
*33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
*12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
*19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
*4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
*1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
*47 to say this is just what alt.physics.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
*143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

See also Internet humor/Lightbulb jokes

This page presents some of the best examples of the "long" lightbulb joke. See the main article for further information.

Lawyers

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the afore- mentioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self- same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non- negotiable. NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

List-serv subscribers

Q: How many list-serv subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331

1 to change the light bulb
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physics.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.